“It just excites me to know that you know. I will always come back to you because your are the best. I can sleep with a million women but you are still the best and I can never have enough of you.”

These words kept playing on Anita’s mind over and over again for the past five years. She often wondered if it would ever be finally over. That she would have her man to herself. Her man. The way he was. So principled, so much love, enthusiasm and where she was the only one for him. They loved each other like no other. Soul mates.

But five years ago, things changed when he lost his job. That was when he lost himself too. To escape from his lack of confidence and self-esteem, his sexual fantasies grew wilder and wilder. She matched them all the time, each time taking him to greater heights of pleasure, knocking him out completely. He did not have to think about his problems then.

She would do and did whatever he wanted, even sharing him with other women. It made him feel good, he said, that they could have an open relationship and he could tell her of his sexual exploits. They would be making out wildly and he would leave her in the throngs of passion, only to go to a prostitute, have a short session with her and return to Anita to sleep awhile before continuing where he left off with her.

“Oh Lord, when will this be over? When will he find himself again and see that this is wrong? When will he see how hurt I am each time he tells me how he had sex with a  slut? When will it be ‘us’ again?” Anita cried out in pain and anguish.

She would pay for each of his ‘trips’ just so that he would feel good. Like a man, he said. Even when she did not have enough money, she would find it somehow, just to see him happy. Sometimes, she even arranged these ‘slut sessions’ for him because that made him feel good.

Meanwhile, she tried everything she could to bring him back on track. Applied for jobs, signed him up for courses, always made sure he had money in his wallet even if she had none, got him hooked on hobbies. She finally secured a job for him. The position he had been looking for. Work-good, salary-good. She thought she saw the light at the end of the tunnel and they would return to their pure love. Just Anita and her man, like it always was. Heaven on earth.

He was slowly regaining his self-confidence and self-esteem. He started showing his love and telling her that he had enough of the adulterous life he was living. He was sick of himself and what he had done to her. Anita was so proud of him. He found himself. Everything was going to be alright now. They were going to have their lives back as it was before. She and her man. All the years of silent pain that she bore was coming to an end.

Each time he went on business trips, she would send him off with trepidation, praying that there would not be another sexual escapade abroad. Then one day, he returned from Indonesia and said that nothing happened and he had no desire to do it with any other woman. Anita was over the moon with joy. The following week, she sent him to the airport for his next business trip to Vietnam. This time, without fear, but just so full of love for her man. He kissed her hard before checking in and she waited till his figure vanished out of sight. She drove home content and thanked God for answering her prayers.

That night she sat on her bed counting her money as she had bills to be paid immediately. His escapades had drained her out of her savings as well as her income and she was truly stuck. She only had $10.00 to her name. She sent him an SMS and told him that she was worried as she did not have enough to pay the utility bills and the Utility company would terminate the service if payment of $200.00 was not paid the next day. He was silent.

An hour later, he sent her an SMS asking her if she could find away to come up with $200.00 as he wanted to call for a slut that night. That blow hit Anita so hard, she just fell onto the bed wailing in pain. How could he? How could he do that to her knowing the financial situation? How could he do that to her knowing that she would do anything for him? The reality was that his return to his old self was extremely short-lived. He was addicted to his current life.

Anita pulled herself together and sat up. She could not ask anyone for the money as she had already exhausted all the trust in her friends and relatives. She hated him for doing this to her. She knew that he had always been selfish. It was always about him. What he wanted. What he needed. His joy. His satisfaction. He never thought about her feelings. How she was struggling to make ends meet.

Slowly, she reached for the phone and dialed. “Hello…David? This is Anita. I need $200.00 urgently. I don’t know if I will be able to repay you so, in return, I will give you what you have been chasing for all this while”. David was her colleague. He had been hot for her for some time but she had always turned him down as she only had eyes for her man.

David could not believe his ears. He was there within 20 minutes and his lust lasted 10 minutes. He left the house with $200.00 in Anita’s hand. She was devastated. Her head was spinning. She was bruised. She could not believe what she had done for her man. Coldly, she dressed up and walked to the bank like a zombie to deposit $200.00 into his account. When that was done, she sent him an SMS to say that the money was in his account.

Three hours later he called her sounding so happy with himself to tell her how it went with the slut. She was not interested. She was numb. She told him she was tired and went to bed. She lay there feeling raw with pain, externally and internally. She realized things were never going to change. Her man was too happy with his current life and she could not live without him no matter what he did.